Some Thoughts While Watching the Ambien CR Commercial Last Night on the Hallmark Channel

The images were butterflies kissing sleeping women. The soundtrack was this:

AMBIEN and AMBIEN CR are treatment options you and your doctor can consider along with lifestyle changes. When taking either of them, don’t drive or operate machinery. Plan to devote 7 to 8 hours to sleep before being active. Sleepwalking, and eating or driving while not fully awake, with memory loss for the event, as well as abnormal behaviors such as being more outgoing or aggressive than normal, confusion, agitation, and hallucinations may occur. Don’t take it with alcohol as it may increase these behaviors. In patients with depression, worsening of depression, including risk of suicide may occur. If you experience any of these behaviors contact your doctor immediately.

Make up your mind, Ambien CR. Are you going to make me popular or depressed? Will I find myself depressed before or after making hella friends while sleepwalking? And how, exactly, is this aggressiveness going to play out? Am I going to aggressively eat donuts out of the fridge at 1am or am I going to aggressively have sleepwalker sex with a wall or door frame?

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