Deadbabybikes Dennyt Flickr
photo by our own denny trimble [flickr]

When I first met my boyfriend, he canceled our second date to attend the Dead Baby Bike Races. So now, a year later, when he invited me to attend with him, I was both apprehensive and quite curious what might be so great that it would eclipse a friday night date with me. We arrived at a pub around 645, brought our bikes into the coral and paid our $20. In exchange we got individually numbered t-shirts and a water bottle. T-shirts went to the car, water bottles on to the bikes.

The crowd inched forward, a gun went off, and everyone started biking down the hill from West Seattle into Georgetown. Cars, unknowingly caught up in the crowd of bikers, waited patiently, stuck like pictures of a flood scene. In a scene that would bring tears to the eyes of bike commuters everywhere, traffic was put on hold as the cyclists were given free reign, not by law, but by strength in numbers. Bikes of all kinds flew by, tall bikes, mini bikes, homemade bikes, $6000 bikes, you name it, it was there. People of every age, from the 4 year old in a ninja turtle costume, to the old man on a bike at least as old as he was, clamored down the hill to industrial georgetown.

Once there, the same water bottles as we were given at the start were available for $10, as these were the tickets for the all you could drink beer. Olympia, Fat Tire, Skinny Dip, it was all there. The line was more of a smushing of people, and at one point, frustrated with the lack of effort to get to the beer by the man in front of me, I told him he had to push. Ok, he said, and using me as a battering ram, pushed me to the front of the line. It worked quite well. In addition to the free beer, the finish was equipped with food ($1/$2 hot dogs and hamburgers), bands, and crazy bike toys. Crazy bike toys include a ferris wheel that operated on pedal power, a bike which, when peddaled, went in a little three wheeled circle, and a bike which went the opposite way that you steered it (harder than it looks), on which my boyfriend incurred himself a bloody knee. I watched Santa bike himself in circles till he hit the ground trying to get up. Another Santa said ‘ho ho ho’ as he threw us a mini of Bacardi.

But the real show began with the evenings contests. See after the jump for those.

The first contest was the relatively benign ‘bunny hop’ contest, however, after a few rounds of actually bunny hopping over the limbo pole, the contest then deteriorated in to a tricks competition, which was an exercise in self sacrifice, won by rider Sean Desai, riding a bike that he thinks is very cool because it has no brakes.

As the night went on, things got fuzzier but among the contests I remember were a game of ‘footdown’ in which riders ride in circles enclosed by the crowd, which gets increasingly smaller as the game goes on, until all but one rider is eliminated by touching a foot to the ground. Drag racing, which involved drinking a beer while riding a bike, seemed like the only contest I would willingly enter, though the girls were getting their asses kicked by the guys. Seems unfair, really since guys both bike and drink at a much faster speed.

At this point, I had located the nearby ‘Hallava Falafel”. Please stay tuned on the best-not-that-good-falafel ever post coming up shortly.

Post falafel, morning our lack of money for a second one, we watched the pinata: a pinata of a dead baby was dangled, as riders rode by with a bike lock in their hand to try to smash it.

Then came the jousting. Armed with about 15 foot long jousting rods, with boxing gloves taped on to the ends, the riders rode towards each other, attempting to knock the other off. It seemed cute, though still not fun when done on mini bikes. Then they moved on to the tall bikes (two bikes on top of each other, and I worried, given that most of the contestants were so drunk they couldn’t actually get on to the bike, but it seemed ok. Then somebody let wasted girl on. She was really wasted. They let her try 3 times, before finally declaring her opponent the winner. Nevermind that wasted girl never actually managed to stay on the bike until the opponent even hit her.

All in all this was a night rich in both debauchery and douchebaggery, and I reccomend not missing it next year. Though I’m unsure of the legality of anything that went on, and am convinced that you should go while you can, before the police get their grubby paws on this event.

5 Comments so far

  1. Tony B. (unregistered) on August 7th, 2007 @ 2:51 pm

    Great, bicyclists passing on their lack of respect for the rules of the road. Just what this town needs, more crappy bicyclists.

  2. MMTyler (unregistered) on August 7th, 2007 @ 3:12 pm

    That’s a beautiful thing, and it makes me love the world a little more. I’m glad I could share the event just a bit through post.

  3. eldan (unregistered) on August 7th, 2007 @ 6:43 pm

    Dammit! I thought my friends were so original for press-ganging me into bike jousting at my bachelor party.

  4. Lloyd (unregistered) on August 7th, 2007 @ 9:23 pm

    It’s a wonder that a person who can spell “douchebaggery” can’t spell “pedalled,” “evening’s” or “mourning.”

  5. Mik (unregistered) on August 9th, 2007 @ 7:58 am

    Was the kid with the brakeless bike riding a fixed gear per chance?

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