Wednesday:

-Plane Delayed till 2am. The “weather” was to blame.

Thursday:

-Took lots of pictures at Kerry Park and Parson’s Garden.

-Went back to my apartment because my Atlantan guest wasn’t used to our cool mornings.

-Went to Pike Place Market for more picture taking. She had a yummy crumpet with jam and nutella at the Crumpet Shop, while I “ate lunch” at my all-time favortie smoothie place, Shy Giant.

-Took the ferry to Bainbridge Island. Walked around. She got fudge. I petted the yarn at Churchmouse Yarns and Teas.

-Then it was time to introduce my guest to some of my friends. So we all went to Rancho Bravo, had some drinks and played Rock Band until the wee hours of the morn.

Friday:

-I slept at Alki Beach, while she took pictures of kids being buried in sand.

-Then it was time to show her my old place and the bums that come along with it. Thus, to Capitol Hill we went. We split a small CrazyCherry concoction, where I now always ask them to put the toppings on the bottom as it is way more eatable this way, and then we threw the frisbee around at Volunteer Park. Actually, I take that back. The boyfriend, a friend and I threw the frisbee around. I guess in Atlanta they don’t play frisbee. Luckily my friend - a boy - was more than happy to teach my guest how to be a true Seattleite. Cue in a romantic comedy montage and suddenly a vacation couple is born.

-She’s never had Ethopian food before, so the boyfriend and I prayed for fast service at Queen Sheba, and miraculously our wishes were granted. I opted not to get too drunk on Tej because I knew I still had the night to entertain.

-With that said, I needed caffeine. Fast! We took her to Vivace so she can see the pretty picture in the cup. She took a picture and I drank it fast. Then said good-bye because they closed their doors on Sunday and will become yet another store that sits under a condo (am I the only one who really fucking hates this new trend). Rumor has it, the new Vivace will reopen near the new Dilletante.

-We went to Hot House. Ahhhhhh, I can sleep. I can read. I can be in a whisper zone. We both needed some relaxing and this was the place. We spent a good 3 hours sweating our tits off in the jacuzzi, in the steam room and in the sauna.

-THEN, we had drinks at Bleu. I used to actually like this place, but the more I come here the more I realize it just sucks. The service that is. The guy was more like friends with everyone than an actual server. He berated the boyfriend for ordering something non-alcoholic (note to all servers, DO NOT DO THIS, you will get a shit tip from me if you do) and when we asked for the bill and saw that he was having a cigarette and then went inside and delivered some food and then went back outside for another cigarette and then bumped into a friend and talked to him for 5 minutes we just left without ever getting the bill. If I was in Spain, this would be considered normal. But we’re no where near Spain, and this douche got what he deserved.

Okay, where was I? Oh right, SATURDAY:

-We started the morning a little late and went directly to the ID for the Chinese Festival (brought to you by the one brand I always think of when I see anything Chinese, McDonalds).

-We meandered toward Occidental Park and bumped the Fire Festival which was actually pretty cool. It was a little kid’s wet dream, what with old fire trucks and police cars and fire drills.

-And off to Ballard we go. We had dinner at Lunchbox Laboratory, where I finally got to try the Dork. I was actually a little underwhelmed, but the chocolate cherry milkshake saved the experience so all is forgotten and I’ll happily go back to eating the meat I’m used to over here.

-It happened to be Art Walk in Ballard so we checked out some “art” and then bought some clothes at Twenty20.

-Then, it was drinks and skeeball at Kings.

Sunday:

-Made blueberry/chocolate/walnut waffles and an egg scramble for 5 to prepare for our day trip to Vancouver!

-Immediately got one speeding ticket. We made the officer laugh so he gave us a little bit of a break. Note to self. Make them laugh.  

-Stopped in Richmond for Dim Sum.

-Walked the shit out of Stanley Park. Learned a little about Totem Poles. Walked around some more.

-Slept in the car on the way back.

Monday:

-Yay! Hiking! We went to Denny Creek Trail and Franklin Falls. What a great short, easy hike. At the Denny Creek Trail, after an hour or so of a steady incline (500 ft?), at the end you are greeted by large flat rocks and kids sliding along them into the river. I passed out on the rocks while the friends and guest played. After I properly drooled everywhere, we did the even shorter hike to Franklin Falls, where once again the treat was at the end. A beautiful fall that splashes in your face and is just so refreshing, we were all happy to have gotten out of the city for the day.

-Then we took the guest to Gas Works so she could take pictures of kites, seaplanes and defunct gas plant site.

-And as a proper goodbye, we tried to go to Paseo but of course they are closed on Mondays. So we did the second best thing and had great beer and eats at Brouwer’s. My seitan BBQ sandwich wasn’t quite as meaty as other seitan I’ve had, but still good nonetheless. And I highly recommend the Apple Wit (I forget the name of the actual beer, but it’s the only Apple Wit on the menu). If you like Hoegardden (which I just learned is pronouced Who Garden and not Hoe garden, like I’ve been saying for years) then you’ll like this citrusy beer with an apple infused twist.

Tuesday:

-She left. And I went to a place I really wanted to take her, but just didn’t have the time: the Arboretum.

Anyone else have guests this summer? Where are you going? How are you coping? Do you feel totally run down when they leave, or am I just getting old at the ripe age of 29?

#15 Bus

Me: Kinda sleeping, as per usual.

Old dude: Lower the back of the bus!

Bus driver, on loud speaker: I can only lower the bus from the front, sir. If you’d like me to do that, you must get off in the front.

Old dude: You lying, n-word (he used the real word, which I personally don’t like to say and/or write on blogs).

Everyone on the bus looks up, including me. All jaws are dropped.

Bus driver remains calm: You can come up to the front and I can lower you from here.

Old dude: You lyin’, you n-word.

Woman: Sir, we don’t use that kind of language on this bus.

Old dude walks off.

I can’t go back to sleep.

After work, I’ll be walking around Green Lake with the boyfriend. Then heading to a Gay Porn Party (not at all like a key party, more like watching the pool boy flirting with the pizza guy while eating banana splits and drinking mojitos, then talking about girly things like orgasms and vacuuming).

Deciding if I should go to The Pride Parade. I went when it was still around Broadway, and enjoyed how uncrowded it was. I’m not big on jumping over people just to see guys wearing leather chaps. I can see that at home without saying excuse me to hundreds of people. So does anyone know how packed this thing usually gets?

I’ll be doing my longest run yet at the Shore Run. 6.7 miles in what appears to be 87 degrees of sweaty, chafing heat. I hope I make it to Monday.

Whatever you’re doing, have fun, forget to take your Vitamin D and wear lots of sunscreen.

Whether you were intrigued by the building itself, hated the food or were annoyed by the staff, Denny’s in Ballard is officially gone. If you’d like to pay your respects, do the whole comment thing.

-Don’t stay at the Traveller’s Inn City Center. Sure, calling this dump our home for 2 nights made our vacay wicked cheap, but it also came with some bumps in the road. Like no air conditioning, a scary shaky elevator, a pool we couldn’t use until the day we left and an attitude from the kitchen about bringing our breakfast to our room.

- Do go to Miniature World. It’s just so ridiculous, because every doll, scene, person, tv, plane, cars, World War II figures were the size of your pinkie. If not smaller. It’s totally cheesy fun and worth breaking up the day for.

-Walk along Government for the touristy brouhaha. If you like ice cream, there are parlors on every block.

-Go to Beacon Hill Park and then pet the cutest damn baby goats at the Children’s Farm. If you love alpacas as much as I do, then you’re in for a real treat.

-If you don’t mind the most laid back, laziest staff ever eat at Santiago’s Cafe and order the Cerviche. It was light, fishy without being too fishy and not a hint of grease in sight.

-Enjoy the music, the Sunday Markets and the friendliest people you’ll ever meet.

-When you board the Clipper to go back to Seattle, and the captain tells you it’s going to be a choppy ride, believe him and immediately take the Dramamine they sell on the boat. You will thank me.

-Come back refreshed and not at all jealous that you missed the crowds at the Solstice Parade in Fremont.

Airports: Seattle wins

• Sea-Tac: I know in a previous post I mentioned my distaste for Sea-Tac. I since realized I’m a dumbfuck and have come to love their cleanliness, their easy going attitudes and if you go on a Saturday at 7am you won’t have to wait on any lines at all.
  
• JFK: Normally, I wouldn’t fly into JFK but for whatever reason this was either the cheapest or the most direct way to get to New York. When I got off to use the bathroom I was petrified. Old stinky bathrooms, with kids crying and doors that wouldn’t lock properly. Never mind the fact that an Italian dad slapped his kid for just standing there. I knew I arrived in New York, and immediately wanted to go back home.

Food: Tie

• Seattle: I think that Seattle has had some great new restaurants lately. Since I live here, get Daily Candy and know a thing or two I have an advantage over tourists who will probably just go to Wild Ginger and never know the glory that is Rancho Bravo or Lunchbox Laboratory. There are some major disappointments though. Like, for a city that has some of the freshest fish, I have yet been to an amazing fish place. I think Tom Douglas is overrated. And don’t even talk to me about Jewish Deli’s or a decent slice of pizza.
  
• New York: Sure, they always say everything is just great there. But I kinda think it’s all hype. For instance, I think Boston has a better Little Italy. And Vancouver has a better Chinatown. Granted I didn’t go to Balthazar (although I’ve been) or Tavern on the Green (I’ve also been and it’s a huge waste of money), but I did go to bodegas, one decent sushi joint and enough Jewish delis to get my fill for the year. I bought one unmemorable black and white cookie at Zaro’s (if you want a Jewy bakery chain that delivers, place your bets on Juniors instead) and then one very memorable one at Mother’s (in the Bronx). Liebman’s Deli had a reasonably priced, and not famously stuffed pastrami sandwich. And I did get to go to my FAVORITE pizza place ever near Columbia on 110th and Broadway. But my $6 hot dog at the Yankees game pissed me off more than filled my tummy with goodness. And besides Mother’s black and white cookie and the pizza, the most memorable food I had was a one scoop of Butterfinger fro-yo at Tasti Dlite. Basically, the things we don’t have in Seattle are great in New York but you can also hit some real duds. A lot.

Transit: New York wins

• New York: Hands down, the subways, buses and everything else are just easier to follow in NYC. You get one little map and you can just figure it out.
  
• Seattle: In Seattle, even the bus drivers don’t really know where they’re going. And the maps (if they’re even there) at the bus stops are in Japanese. The maps on the bus are even worse, because they don’t actually show you ever stop they make. The only way I get around Seattle is on the bus and so I’m dependent on our Trip Planner and I know that if I’m going somewhere I haven’t been to before than I sit up front and tell the driver to tell me when to get off. These are the tricks you learn when living here, but if a tourist came to to Seattle, I can only imagine how confusing getting around would be for them.

Bums: Seattle wins

• Seattle: Okay, maybe the bums only live in Capitol Hill, Downtown, Pioneer Square and University Village but there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t get asked for money or a cigarette. And I don’t even smoke.
  
• New York: Surprisingly, they were missing from this week of tourist fun. Maybe it was the unbearable heat that made them scatter deep into the bushes, but I simply didn’t see many of them. Only one dude made his speech on the train about how he can’t pay for rent, but even he smelled decent enough and didn’t look like he had the crazies. Just shove a Real Change in his hand and he might actually get a buck from me.

People: Seattle wins

• Seattle: I love that Seattle doesn’t have loads of people living here (yet). Because the more people in a city, the more suffocating it gets. In Seattle, you can escape the noise. You don’t hear cabs at all hours. You can go through your whole day without hearing a car honk. And I love this.
  
• New York: When I lived here in my early 20s, I loved the people, the life, the noise. But even after my 3 month stint, I just wanted to relax. Maybe go to a zen garden without my discman (before ipods were invented) and just be. You just can’t do this in Manhattan. And so, for me, this is the biggest reason why I only go to visit and not to live. Because after a week of all that noise and all the people, I just want to curl up in a ball and hide.

Sights: New York wins

• Seattle: I actually kinda think Seattle wins, but to be fair New York really does have so much to see and do. Almost too much. I like Seattle for their breathtaking views of the city and their abundance of parks, but when it comes to old buildings and cool sculptures I think Seattle lacks. I’m much more into older buildings, rather than obscure sculptures of an ampersand. The modern styles of our library are nice, but the older libraries are nicer. And there just aren’t enough big museums here for me.
  
• New York: Museums. Check. Old buildings with character. Check. A great big park in the middle of it all. Check. Check. Like I said, there’s almost too much in New York. But that can also be a good thing.

Overall: Seattle

• I’m biased of course, but I just love it here. Seattle was the first place I moved to where I didn’t know anyone. And I was scared and excited. And as I was driving into the city, it was the first time I said out loud, “I’m gonna live here forever.” It’s only been a little over 2 years, but so far Seattle hasn’t disappointed me yet.

You can either go here or here in Seattle.

And word is, the Capitol Hill girls are having a fun little raffle at the Sculpture Park location. Plus lots of wine and cheese.  Because unlike our grandmother’s knitting, we like to get drunk when we make toaster cozies.

Hope to see you there.

But there’s something to be said when your not so great novels become really good movies, like Fight Club - which I saw 4 times in the theater. And while Choke is no Fight Club, it’s still pretty darn good.

Choke follows Victor Mancini and his best friend, who both kinda sorta work at a colonial theme park and also happen to have sex addictions. So this, of course, means that the film is littered with good sex jokes, and lots of tit and ass. But the main story actually revolves around Victor’s journey in tricking his Alzheimer-afflicted mother for any information leading to the identitiy of his real dad. Loads of flashbacks reveal that maybe the mom, played by the always talented Angelica Houston, doesn’t have Alzheimer’s, but is in fact a crazy, free spirit who likes to run from the law while dragging her son along because she needs someone to pay attention to her. So it’s no wonder that the adult Victor, played by the also ever talented Sam Rockwell, seeks attention, but from others sources - like doing it with anything that has boobies and making himself choke on purpose in fancy restaurants just so he can feel the euphoria of being cradled by the person who just saved him.

Even with all this random sex being had there’s still a love interest, who to me, sounded like a 10 year old trapped in a 30 year old body. That slight flaw aside, she’s sweet and nice and everything you want to counterbalance this crazy sex addict choker schemester.

Like all Chuck Palahniuk book’s there’s a twist or two you didn’t expect to happen. And even in the screenplay (written by Clark Gregg, who also directed and acted in the film),  I was slightly shocked by the turn of events. Of course I can’t give anything away, but you will hit yourself for not realizing the obvious. And then you will like it because you didn’t realize the obvious.

This is the first movie I’ve seen at SIFF that was just a simple, good, different without trying too hard to be different, entertaining, funny movie. And with all the crap out there these days, I think that’s saying a lot.

Choke is playing this Saturday, June 7 at 4:00 pm in Uptown Cinema

Well, Ben X is kinda like that.

I haven’t seen a movie about a Belgium kid suffering from Asperger yet, so at first I was pretty pumped. I really felt for the main character, Ben. He’s not your typical high school gamer outcast, because he’s actually abnormally scared of the world outside of his video game bubble. In order to live each day, he goes around thinking he’s in a video game. The gaming characters spliced throughout major scenes are true to video game form and really add something to the movie, showing Ben’s emotions in a way he can’t express as a person. He can fall in love with a girl like a totally normal person in a video game, but will stand stiff and shaking like a weirdo when he has to meet her at a train station. Sadly, even living life through a video game can’t keep Ben away from the every day obstacles he seems to constantly face.

As far as high school movies go, it’s standard to have bullies and the ones featured here are particularly mean. This small gang of assholes use Ben’s problems to their advantage, and go way beyond the old being stuffed in a locker prank. They are vicious and relentless and of course, they are never really reprimanded.

So is the catalyst for Ben’s demise. And, unfortunately, this is where I start to find the major flaw in this flick. Throughout the movie, there are testimonials from Ben’s parents and teachers, describing moments that lead up to this ultimate catastrophe. And when I finally realized what it was, I was majorly disappointed.

That said, if the movie ended without this big prank at the end, I might’ve really like it. All I wanted was the last 10 minutes cut off so I could enjoy the movie through and through. But it didn’t, so I ended up feeling weird and unsatisfied, like the vodka/water analogy.

So, I guess what I’m saying is, go see this movie (even though it’s not playing at SIFF anymore I believe somewhere out there you can rent it). Just make sure to leave at 80 minutes in. If you do this, you’ll like it a lot. If you don’t, you’ll be scratching your head wondering what went wrong, like me.

I, for one, had some gripes about this movie. But don’t go spreading nasty rumors about me just yet. As a whole, I liked it because:

a) It made me cringe, laugh and not necessarily cry, but feel sorry for the kids.

b) You really saw 4 different groups of people, and not just the cool crowd.

I guess this movie could be compared to the Breakfast Club. But I wouldn’t say any of the kids (oh sorry, teenagers) actually became friends with one another, unless you count a minor character/jock/cute/cool type dipping into the freak pool for about 5 minutes (for more movie time possibly?). This documentary is really more about 4 different teenagers, their clicks (or lack thereof) and their desire to find the perfect mate, the perfect school and the perfect place to get away from everyone in Small Town, Indiana.

As far as the “characters” go, you’ll really hate this one teen. Or at least I did. She is everything you see on The Hills/O.C./90210 times 10. She’s the girl everyone thinks is pretty, only because she’s popular. And she’s only popular because she’s rich (or I should say, because her parents are rich). And she’s mean because of all of this. Apparently these attributes make you way cool in some parts of the world.  

You’ll love the jock and his desire to do it all. He is popular for all the good reasons. Because he’s simply a nice guy.

You’ll applaud the dork for his endless effort in finding a girl. Any girl. Even if that girl doesn’t like him and then cheats on him. I imagine this kid will end up with some S&M type of fetish when he’s older. He’ll never stop trying and it’s just so cute and sad, wrapped up in a nice, little bow.

And you’ll pity the depressed girl, not so much because she’s depressed, but mainly because her parents are as screwed up as she is.

So the only reasons I didn’t care for the movie was because:

a) Even though it was about an hour and 45 minute movie, I felt myself getting antsy towards the end. Like, okay, I get each teen’s story, now tell me where they ended up so I can write this review already.

b) Burstien used different animated/cartoonish/3-d techniques to add something to each teenager’s storyline, but I just didn’t care for it. These animations seemed like they came out of nowhere, and were merely time fillers.

But besides those 2 negative points, I liked (not liked-liked) this movie. Days later, I was still thinking about it. The premature sex, the drunken nights in the basement, the prank calls, the cattiness, the tears and even some good times. You’ll reminiscence and laugh. But most of all, you’ll be glad you never have to go through that part of your life ever again.

American Teen is playing at Egyptian Theatre:

Friday, May 30 at 7:00 pm

and

Saturday, May 31 at 11:00 am