Maybe you already know. Maybe you used to know. Maybe you’ll know again soon. Whatever your perspective, this column looks to answer one question: what’s it like being single in Seattle?
Post #3 in a series starting here and continued here.

So what happened after I broke up with my boyfriend? Not much, to be honest. Blogger Boy No. 2 started avoiding me. We would plan get togethers, then he would be “too busy” and cancel. I wrote on my LiveJournal, “So you know that guy I drunkenly mentioned a few days ago? Ugh. Ugh. This is turning into such a mess. I just talked to him a few minutes ago and ended up with tears in my eyes. Either this guy has the best work ethic in the history of mankind or he’s seriously blowing me off.”

And it turned out he was seriously blowing me off. Finally I just gave up and decided to just be friends. I called him and told him as much. He says, “Well, good, because I’ve been meaning to tell you, I was dating this girl and things have turned sort of serious…”

I’ll leave you to sort out the many-layered irony of this ending for yourself. But it does bring up a number of lessons about being single in Seattle.

First, don’t put the burden of a major decision, possibly a major life decision, on to one person. I had been mulling a breakup for months but finally found a catalyst in BB2. That’s the wrong way to go about it. It puts tremendous pressure on the catalyst, and isn’t healthy for you.

Second, guilt is a multi-faceted thing. If the other person starts getting all guilty, there’s probably more to the situation than what he or she is saying.

Finally, don’t drink wine in Volunteer Park. You may end up falling for someone who wears yellow flip-flops and doesn’t know who Dana Vachon is.

Snark has many definitions. Some say that it’s a combination of the words “snide” and “remark“, or “biting, cruel humor or wit, commonly used to verbally attack someone or something“. Snark is commonly found in blog posts and comments, formats which allow those who would otherwise never act this way in a face-to-face situation say just about anything they want.

I am a recovering snark-addict.

Many of you may know me from around the Internet. I have been on LiveJournal since late 2000, currently maintain a blog on my own website for the past 2 years, share recipes and photos via a few venues, and blog for two Seattle sites. While it is deceptively easy to build a bad reputation for yourself online, it turns out that it’s significantly harder to change other’s impressions of you online than it is in real life.

The two notable places for snark that I want to cite today: the Seattle LiveJournal community and the Slog. For years, I snarked in the Seattle LJ. It was almost a game: see a new post and try to make the first snotty remark. Even if multiple commenter had already told the poster how stupid they were for not using Google, I would add my voice to the masses. It became instinct to respond in this manner, though the guilt I experienced when someone became obviously upset due to my actions never went away.

About three months ago, I finally decided that enough was enough. I couldn’t snark anymore. As dumb as this sounds to those who haven’t experienced it, initially it was hard to quit. I would see a post in the Seattle LJ and immediately start typing a mean response. Catching myself, I would see if I could write anything productive and if not, close the window and move on. After the first month, it became easier to automatically think of something nice to write instead of something harsh and criticizing. I’ve had quite a few discussions about the recent changes, mostly positive, and feel better about myself because of it. The guilt is gone.

This brings me to the Slog. A fellow Metblogger passed around a link to guest Slog blogger Chelsea Alvarez-Bell’s last post as a guest blogger. She is opting out of future guest posts due to the high-level of snark that flourishes in the Slog comments. In her words: “I have no desire to contribute here any longer. I am taking my ball and going home.” She calls some of the regular commenters “cruel“, “small, awful, miserable people“.

As a recovering snark-addict, I have to agree with her in some regard. People who exhibit a sense of pleasure in verbally tearing down another person’s statements of opinion or fact, may well allude to an intrinsic unhappiness or frustration in other areas of the abuser’s life. It could be that those who snark are stuck in dead-end jobs with nothing better to do or have such low self-esteem that hurting others through an anonymous venue gives them enough validation to feel better about themselves. I am applying those very same suggestions to my own state of mind for the time that I was a snarker, but it is hard to really self-evaluate as an objective third-party after the fact. At this point, I am happier without snark than I ever was when I engaged in it.

Regardless of the real motivation for snarking, there are people who enjoy perpetuating it. No online forum is immune to it, but there are ways to minimize it. Required comment registration is a good way to lessen it’s impact. Moderated comments is another, more pro-active stance. Not “feeding the trolls” is a third option that requires the cooperation of the rest of the commenter community. Or, one can do what Chelsea did: leave the snark-tainted venue and seek solace in a place that is designed to bring about productive commentary and conversation.

In conclusion, I will quote Metblogger Chaya: “thank you for not being assholes, Metblogs commenters!”

the wackness, still via siff, courtesy occupant films

There are rumors circulating that the weekend will be sunny. You know better than to let that sway you from overdosing on the last three days of SIFF, right? Below are some suggestions from us about how to avoid an unpleasant sunburn without breaking out the sunscreen. In addition to these, the festival has time set aside for repeat showings of films that win awards on Sunday afternoon; so keep an eye out for that announcement.

Sunrise [siff] : People who love film call this one of the best in the history of the medium. My interest in it is magnified by the fact that SIFF commissioned the Album Leaf, Jimmy Tamborello’s lush post-rock band, to compose and perform a new score for it during two showings at the Triple Door. [josh]
Friday June 13, 7:00 pm & 9:30 pm (Triple Door)

Letting Go of God [siff] : A film version of Julia Sweeny’s one-woman show / monologue chronicling and reflecting her conversion from Catholicism to Atheism Naturalism. If you haven’t seen this in person, heard it already on This American Life [#], or just want to experience the whole thing again with the director/star in attendance for their movie’s world premiere, this is your chance. [josh]
Friday June 13, 6:30 pm; Sunday June 15, 4:00 pm (SIFF Cinema)

the Wackness [siff] : Hip-hop, marijuana, and therapy with Ben Kingsley before leaving the NYC for college. Plus a special guest appearance by one of the Olsen twins. Mid-nineties urban nostalgia fiends need look no further. [josh]
Friday June 13, 6:30 pm (Egyptian); Sunday June 15, 6:30 pm (Cinerama)

Mysteries of Pittsburgh [siff] : Michael Chabon’s novel gets the big screen, kinda-big star treatment. This looks like one that will eventually play outside the festival circuit, but if you want to see Mena Suvari and Sienna Miller before all of your friends, check it out this weekend [josh]
Friday June 13, 9:30 pm (Egyptian); Sunday June 15, 2:00 pm (Uptown)

Jolene [siff] : E. L. Doctorow’s controversial short story about a young woman on the run from her tragic past comes to life in director Dan Ireland’s feature film that covers ten tumultuous years in the life of the determined title character as she crosses America in search of her the life she dreams of having for herself. [zg]
Friday June 13, 9:30 pm; Saturday June 14, 2:30 pm (Cinerama)

Chrysalis [siff] : A stylish science fiction noir thriller from France involving plastic surgery, mental manipulation, human trafficking, and some seriously stunning visual effects. [zg]
Friday June 13, 11:55 pm (Egyptian); Saturday June 14, 10:00 pm (Cinerama)

Bottle Shock [siff] : Bottle Shock tells the story of the first California wine to win in a blind tasting in Paris (at a time when France was considered to be the ONLY place to produce drinkable wine). I grew up in the Napa Valley and so I knew a little bit of this story going in. That included the ending. Despite that, this movie still had me on the edge of my seat crossing my fingers and biting my nails that everything would all work out in the end. I’m not sure you can go wrong with Alan Rickman in just about anything, but beyond that, this movie was incredibly moving. It is based on a true story, which is to say that the basic facts are all true. There really is a Chateau Montelena, there really was a contest, and Jim and Bo Barrett (along with Mike Grgich) were responsible for producing the winning wine. The scenery is beautiful (and was actually shot in Napa and Sonoma). I cannot tell you how strongly I urge you to see this movie. [patriciaeddy]
Closing Gala, Saturday June 14, 6:30 pm (Cinerama)

Towelhead [siff] : Perhaps it is a bad idea to choose a movie just because you love the director’s television work, but this is exactly what I did. Six Feet Under’s Alan Ball, who purportedly will be in attendence at both showings, directs this “darkly comic portrait of racial and sexual alienation lurking beneath the wholesome façade of suburban America.” [cero]
Saturday June 14, 6:30 pm; Sunday June 15, 1:30 pm, (Egyptian)

Donkey Punch [siff] : The title pretty much says all you need to know. The Midnight Adrenaline series goes out with a bang, with audiences getting to know far more about the programmers that we maybe ever wanted to find out. [josh]
Saturday June 14, 11:55 pm; Sunday June 15, 9:00 pm (Egyptian)

After the jump, reminders of previous recommendations with screenings this weekend plus a photo of Danny Glover dropping a Grand Canyon reference after Trouble the Water!

Read more

Alexander Nevsky, still courtesy SIFF.

Here it is people: the third and final week of SIFF . Is everyone still on board? Found your line zen? Overcome the constant sensation of missing everything and always being in a hurry? Mastered your decision-making about what distinguishes a “3″ on your ballot from a “4″? Lost track of the rest of civilization? Here are some picks to guide you through the beginning of this week from your Metblogs prognosticators:

Baghead [siff] : I don’t want to say much more about Baghead than that it’s funny, scary, and something of a relationship movie. Anything more than that might spoil your enjoyment of it. After all, someone at the Sunday screening thought they were seeing a movie called Baghdad and had a great time. OK, just one more thing. I want this movie to make lots and lots of money so that the Duplass brothers can keep making really good low production value movies with not incredibly famous actors. It’s entirely possible that their aim of trying to have the stupidest title of the year (sorry guys, I’m afraid that you’ve narrowly lost that contest to Beverly Hills Chihuahua this year) with stories of interpersonal awkwardness in the face of the scariest thing they can think of on a road trip can survive the loose-feeling handmade aesthetic, but I’d rather not see it come to that. [josh]
Monday June 9, 4:30 PM (Egyptian)

Walt & el Groupo [siff] : Uncle Walt takes his animators on a goodwill tour of South America. Wacky hijinks ensue, allegedly changing our artistic and political landscapes to this day. Crazy enough to be fascinating. [josh]
Monday June 9, 4:30 PM (Uptown)

Momma’s Man [siff] : Azazel Jacobs makes a movie about a guy who makes a weekend trip to visit his parents and finds himself unable to leave their apartment to return to his wife and children. Whether this sounds like the premise for a quirky indie drama or a terrifying horror movie may depend on your own family situation.
Monday June 9, 7:15 PM; Wednesday June 11, 4:30 PM (Uptown)

Theater of War [siff]: Meryl Streep took on on the title role in Brecht’s anti-war play when it was staged with a new translation by Tony Kushner in 2006 at the Delacorte Theater in Central Park. This documentary includes footage from the play, shows Streep digging into the role, and provides backstory on the playwright. [josh]
Tuesday June 10, 7:00 PM; Thursday June 12, 4:30 PM (SIFF Cinema)

In the Land of the Headhunters [siff] : Back in 1914 photographer Edward S. Curtis produced this silent film about love and war amongst the Kwakwaka’wakw people in what we now call the Queen Charlotte Strait area of British Columbia. Entered into the United States Film Registry for its cultural and historical significance in 1999, the film made its debut here in Seattle way back in December of 1914 at the Moore Theater. Thanks to SIFF, the Burke Museum and the Seattle Theater Group, it’s back at the Moore with a newly restored version accompanied by the orginal orchestral score and descendants of the original cast. [zg]
Tuesday June 10, 7:00 pm, The Moore Theater

Stranded: I’ve come from a plane that crashed on the mountains [siff] : One of many movies mined from the story of the Chilean soccer team whose flight crashed in the Andes and had survivors resorting to cannibalism. This one, however, finds the survivors and their families, taking them back to the site of the crash thirty years later. [josh]
Tuesday June 10, 9:30 PM

Trouble the Water [siff] : New Orleans native Kimberley Roberts and her husband fight FEMA’s milles of red tape as they struggle to rebuild their post-Katrina lives in Memphis in this provocative documentary that includes footage Roberts filmed of the hurricane’s assault on her hometown. Be prepared to be both deeply touched and extremely pissed off. Executive producer Danny Glover and the films directors, Carl Deal and Tia Lessin, are scheduled to attend both screenings. [zg]
Wednesday June 11, 4:30 pm; Friday June 13, 9:30 pm, (Harvard Exit)

Fields of Fuel [siff] : If you haven’t turned Green yet, then see this flick about bio-diesel. It’s one of those movies that’ll make you want to sell that gas guzzling car of yours. Until you realize you need said car to get around, and don’t want it smelling like fried chicken. [ba]
Wednesday June 11, 7:00 pm; Thursday June 12, 4:30 pm (Harvard Exit)

Alexander Nevsky [siff] : Prince Alexander Nevsky raises an army to fight Teutonic knights set on invading Russia in this epic film from the Soviet Union originally released in 1938. It’s worth going for the way pre-CGI battle sequences alone. Enhancing the experience, Sergei Prokofiev’s original score will be performed live by the Seattle Symphony. [zg]
Thursday June 12, 7:30 pm; Friday, June 13, 7:00 pm; Saturday June 14, 8:00 pm, Sunday June 15, 2:00 pm, (Benaroya Hall)

Visioneers [siff] : In Jared and Brandon Drake’s dystopic future, productivity and forced happiness have displaced feelings and dreams. Zach Galifianakis stars as a descendent of George Washington who is trying to avoid exploding (literally) like so many of his fellow citizens who succumbed to feeling too much individuality. It is entirely possible that this movie isn’t about any of this, and is instead about a man’s slow descent into madness driven by a combination of impotence and displaced extra-marital lust. The humor is dark, the pace is slow, but with the grim outlook enhanced by a score from the Polyphonic Spree it casts a heavy spell. [josh]
Thursday June 12, 9:30 PM; Saturday June 14, 4:00 PM (Egyptian)

Newcastle is a city in New South Wales, Australia, an industrial port town where immense ships line the horizon, waiting to be loaded up with tons of coal to be shipped all over the world. Newcastle is also home to incredible beaches that offer excellent surf breaks and an annual surfing competition that many of the locals see as their shot at fame and glory and making it out of the grimy reality of working on the drydock coal barges. Seventeeen year old Jesse is a talented surfer who resolves to use that competition as his escape from a future that involves joining his father and his older brother Victor on those barges.

Victor had his own shot at escape, but an untimely accident cut short his promising pro surfing career, leaving him angry and bitter and severely straining his relationship with his younger brother. Jesse feels trapped in Victor’s shadow and resolves to get out from it by succeeding where Victor failed. He pins his hopes on winning the surf trials that will get him a slot in the major contest but is crushed by disqualification. His happy-go-lucky mates talk him into taking a weekend surf trip with them, luring him into coming by inviting along the girl on whom Jesse has his eye. To Jesse’s dismay, they also invite along his twin brother Fergus who, with his dyed hair, dark clothing, black fingernail polish and eyeliner, is most decidedly not one of the boys, no matter how much he longs to fit in.

At night around the campfire the friends fuss and fight but Jesse gets his shot at first love and in the morning, much to Jesse’s mixed amusement and dismay, Fergus gets his shot at fitting in thanks to the efforts of local golden boy Andy, the only one of the bunch who has no problem accepting Fergus just the way he is. The boys enjoy the waves until Victor and his friends show up and try to claim the break for themselves. A battle for supremacy on the water leads to a horrible tragedy that sends Jesse reeling; in the aftermath, he must struggle to decide just who he really is and what he really wants from life.

Newcastle is a striking film with excellent cinematography that takes advantage of the stunning natural loveliness of the area; though the port is filled with hulking industrial structures, it is also a place of bright, beautiful sky, sand and water. (When Jesse complains that Newcastle is a shithole, his grandfather motions at the beach around them and suggests that Jesse has a strange idea of what makes a shithole.) The surfing sequences are breathtaking, capturing the true feeling of being out on the waves and the glimpses of the star-filled night sky are amazing. Newcastle is more than just a visual treat, though; it’s true strength in its compelling story filled with strong characters whose complicated bonds might bend and twist but never entirely break. The relationships Jesse has with his brothers, his mother, father and grandfather, his friends and his first love are well-played and meaningful, sometimes charming, sometimes touching, sometimes tragic, but always very real.

Lachlan Buchanan, starring in his first feature film, imbues Jesse with a depth of character that keeps him interesting and understandable; Reshad Strik as Victor and Xavier Samuels as Fergus give their characters rich life, too, and the interactions between all three are completely convincing, allowing them to present a look at brotherhood that is honest and emotional. Writer/director Dan Castle has done an excellent job with his writing and his cast, even the characters with the briefest of appearances have a feeling of trueness to them. Newcastle is a dynamic and rewarding film, well worth the viewing.

Newcastle screens Sunday, June 1 at 1:30 pm at the Egyptian Theater.

Before the first screening on May 31, I spoke with writer/director Dan Castle and actors Lachlan Buchanan and Reshad Strik; follow the jump for more.

Read more

Making its world premiere at SIFF on Thursday, May 29, Butterfly Dreaming is a shot in Seattle thriller that ponders the nature of reality. Writer/director Rufus Williams was inspired to create his debut film after being inspired by his own curiousity about the subject.

“I had a dream that I’d killed someone,” says Williams. “Not a fantasy, just a dream.”

Upon waking from the dream he found himself wondering just what reality really is. “How do we know if we’re dreaming? How do we know if we’re not?”

Weaving elements from his own life into the tale, former mathematician Williams concocted the story of a mathematician named Rob who is grieving from the loss of his wife who finds himself trapped in a state of madness where he must continually straddle the line between paranoid reality and anxious dreams. As the line between the two states becomes more and more blurred, Rob struggles to sort out the difference between what he thinks is real and what is “really” real.

“How do you know?” Williams wonders. We define reality in part by how it progresses in time, but “what if our dreams had continuity?”

And what really happened to his wife?

Williams promises to answer that question in Butterfly Dreaming, but the answer, he hopes, will lead to more questions. “I would like the audience to have the ongoing experience,” he says, “Someoen stops a couple days later and says, ‘That was weird’.”

“I hope the audience comes out debating theories,” Williams says. “If that happened, I’d be absolutely delighted,” adding that his own friends and family for whom he has screened the film have ended up arguing their theories as to what “really” happens in the film.

As a first-time filmmaker, Williams was enraptured by every part of the process from the thrill of putting the script together to the “intense” experience of filming, to the pleasure of bringing all of the elements together in post-production.

“I really enjoy films that make me think about something,” he says. If he’s gotten it right, Butterfly Dreaming offers plenty to think about. Check it out for yourself Thursday, May 29, at 9:15 at Harvard Exit and again at Harvard Exit on Saturday, May 31 at 11:00 am.

Via the Seattle PI

Looking to bring more fresh, local, seasonally grown foods into your family? We have a challenge for you.

It’s the second annual Farm Fresh Family Challenge, sponsored by the Neighborhood Farmers Market Alliance. The alliance is looking for a Seattle-area family willing to buy most of its fresh food from farmers markets between June and November this year, and to write a weekly P-I-sponsored blog during that time.

The first Farm Fresh blogger, Kathleen Whitson of West Seattle, found inspiration experimenting with farmstand eggs, debating when she would choose organic over conventionally grown produce, discovering the different body and taste of a pasture-raised Thanksgiving turkey, and figuring out how to tell her husband why it no longer felt right to make an apple pie in July.

If that’s your sort of food for thought — or if you have your own take on what a Farm Fresh Family should be — here are the details:

# Candidates must be willing to buy most fresh foods (vegetables, fruits, meats, shellfish, fish eggs, cheese, etc.) from one of the seven Neighborhood Farmers Market Alliance markets (Broadway, University District, West Seattle, Phinney, Magnolia, Columbia City or Lake City).

# They must write a weekly P-I-sponsored blog, track the prices of the products they buy each week, and be willing to occasionally host a local chef in their home kitchen to share shopping and cooking tips.

To apply, send an e-mail to nfma@seattlefarmersmarkets.org with a description of your family (how many members, ages, etc.), where you normally shop for food, how much you spend on groceries in an average week, how often you cook at home, and what prompted your interest in buying local, sustainably grown foods. Deadline to apply is May 30.

The Alliance will provide the family with assistance, including personal market tours, introductions to farmers, canvas shopping bags, shopping tokens to get started, recipe ideas and more. Photos of the family will be featured in the alliance’s quarterly newsletter and will be posted at all market information booths.

On Wednesday I pointed you [mb] to a story about after six months of a guy crushing on a fellow Metro rider, a guy and his bus crush, met, dated, and eventually got engaged (on the bus). I couldn’t decide if it was cute or not (you really have to like the bus to not mind it being the site of your engagement, and it gives you a whole new perspective on fellow passengers).

It was certainly more prolonged and typical Seattle style than the story from last summer about NY Girl of My Dreams, and the guy who found his train crush via billboard, viral social networking, and network news. Today, Rex (fimoculous) points out a new site that bypasses craigslist’s missed connections, alt-weekly’s I SAW U’s, and massive ad buys called subwaycrush.com. (wher a Link-alike has already been spottedon the L-train [#] .)

Do you, like Paul Constant [slog], think that is impossible to translate to Seattle’s Metro? If so, is it the bus experience or the Seattle psyche?

The big race going on this weekend is the Nature’s Path Organic Whidbey Island Marathon and Half Marathon to benefit the Whidbey Animals’ Improvement Foundation and Return to Freedom American Wild Horse Sanctuary. The course takes place on the North end of the island and runs down country back roads and along the coastline. Ultra Marathon Man Dean Karazes will be the Master of Ceremony for the post event celebration. If you’re looking for something to do this Sunday and are in the mood to run 13.1 or 26.2 miles you can still sign up for the race at the Expo at Oak Harbor High School on Saturday. If you’re not in the mood for running, you can always volunteer (just sign up at the Expo), or just head on over and cheer on all the runners.

Other races happening around the area this weekend:

Robin Hill 3 Mile & 10K Run. Sequim, WA.
Y Run for Kids 5K. Tacoma, WA.
Trout Lake 5K, 10K & Half Marathon. Trout Lake, WA.
Mt. Si Relay & Ultra. Snoqualmie, WA.

Good luck to everyone racing this weekend! I wish I could join you, but an injury sidelined my training for Whidbey Island, so I’ve had to defer my entry to next year. Oh well, I’ll be joining the Dalai Lama (and a ton of other people) at Qwest Field for the Seeds of Compassion event instead.