Let me count the ways…

1. Where the hell do people go to get a cab or get picked up?

I’m still confused by this. There’s the bottom level, where you get your luggage. Then there’s the upper level, where you check in. There’s a different cab area, that’s across the street. And even a place to hitch a ride on the roof. Okay, not really. But I wouldn’t be surprised.

2. The worst, longest lines ever.

I’ve been to many airports. Big ones (Atlanta-Hartsfield) and small ones (Flint, Michigan). I’ve been to the ones where you enter a weird enclosed chamber that blows wind at you (Fort Lauderdale). I’ve been to dangerous/smelly/get me out of here ones (Philly). And I’ve been to ones that don’t have any order at all (Bogota).

But Sea-Tac takes the cake on having the worst wait for security check ins. I’m normally in line for at least a half hour, if not much more, every single time, at different times, on all days. I’ve had to run to catch a plane, even though I arrived at the airport 2 hours before take off, because of the slow ass security check line. I’m not sure what they’re doing wrong, but it needs to be corrected. Fast.

3. Lost Luggage

I’ve never had a smooth experience with getting my luggage at Sea-Tac. Usually, I’m chasing it down, waiting at one area and then being told I have to wait at another area and then wait for a really long time while annoying kids climb over the conveyor belt as their stupid parents just stand there with blank looks on their faces.

4. Maybe I’m just jinxed.

I’ve never had major delays or problems with planes until I started flying at Sea-Tac. Last year, I was trying to get to Florida, when before take off, something happened to the plane. We couldn’t get off the hot, muggy plane until the problem was solved, 3 hours later. Because of this delay, I was stuck in Houston for a night. Sure, I arrived safely or whatever, but I couldn’t help being slightly irriatated that 1/8 of my vacation was spent talking to shitty airline people, being sent to a shitty hotel off some shitty highway, where I had to eat shitty food with the shitty $10 voucher I also had to wait for.

Sure, this probably has nothing to do with Sea-Tac per se, but since most of these flying frustrations happen here I have to blame them.

And that’s really it. No hard feelings okay? I mean I have to get places. Maybe you’ll change one day. But since I know that won’t happen any time soon, I’ll just have to keep hating everything about you.