UW Student Group Wants to Carry Guns; Outs Themselves as Huge Dorks
Did you hear the joke about the college students who want to carry concealed weapons on campus?
Oh yeah, that’s not a joke. [m-b, p-i]
Hey, UW students who want to carry concealed weapons on campus, listen carefully:
You’re huge dorks. Gigantic. What you should really be focused on concealing is your profound castration anxiety and your inability to keep your fantasies of omnipotence contained to your 6 hours a day spent playing the latest first-person shooter.
Most of the time I’m a tolerant guy. Come one, come all, no matter race, creed, religion, orientation, or nerdiness. But when you want to carry a loaded handgun into my biology lab or my English Lit class, that’s when I draw the line and you become what you are: Unbelievable, humongous, gigantic dorks.
Cite your laws, split hairs with your statistics, call me un-American, and dream up wild fantasies where you save a classroom full of students from a lone gunman and end up rehashing the incident on Larry King Live and The O’Reilly Factor, you’re still just dorks with a surprising inability to reason.
See, the last thing I want to worry about when I embarrass you in our Poly Sci class is that you’ll feel so bad that your finger will start twitching on your carpal tunnel-riddled hand and you’ll begin to imagine what it would be like to shut my ass up with a bullet to the face. Because, guess what, the means to do that will be strapped to your hip and that’s not good for your coming to terms with just how huge of a dork you are.
I think someday you’ll come to really regret that picture in the P-I, too. Because now you’ve pigeon-holed yourselves and even if you wanted to change your mind, you can’t without losing face. Besides what would your Counter-Strike clan think of you then?
But don’t shoot me! I’m just the messenger.
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well crafted piece. i would have never taken that approach regarding just being total DORKS. but you know what, your absolutely right. what fucking GEEEEEKS! "heeey i wanna pack my pistol to school etc". yeah ya’ dork!
your finger will start twitching on your carpal tunnel-riddled hand and you’ll begin to imagine what it would be like to shut my ass up with a bullet to the face
You totally sold me on your rant with this part right here. Also add to that how many students will carry those guns to frat parties and bars in the area. Combine alcohol with testosterone-fueled aggravation and it’s a recipe for disaster.
Yes, people who have different opinions than yours are huge dorks.
Personally, I hate those assholes who don’t let cops search their houses at will under the guise of "so-called" privacy…
Your opinion stops mattering when you want to bring a loaded gun into the classroom.
agreed; Hi, I have an opinion…my opinion is id like to get absolutely hammered but NOT call a cab and just play bumper cars all the way to dicks. thats just my opinion though. does that count? thanks
My opinion: Darwinism takes care of these folks.
Tolerant?! That’s funny! Then who the hell was I with at the Cabello’s in Lacey? Surrounded by locals hastily seeking their ordinance for upcoming excursions, Ryan made no effort to disguise his complete and utter disdain for the patrons and the blatant hunting trophies adorning all corners of the store. The stones on this kid, am I right?
Ryan’s tolerance extends as far as his eyesight and hearing does. Neither of which are what they used to be. Fully aware of the 2nd amendment Ryan’s view is that vehement proponents of guns stay in the 2nd county and don’t leave it. For Ryan, King County is reserved solely for the 1st.
Cheers to you Healz!
PS - At the Cabello’s there was a polar bear shot and stuffed around 1910. I don’t know what’s more disturbing, the act of taxidermy on this bear, or the fact it has been morbidly displayed for a longer period of time than it was alive.
Ad hominem attack? Check.
Post hoc ergo propter hoc? Check.
Straw man? Check.
Congrats, you hit the trifecta of logical fallacies. That takes effort!
Of course, you’re right. I could barely hide my disdain at Cabela’s but mostly it was because of the parents who let their kid run wild near the gun section where he hopped out from behind a clothes rack and pretended to shoot people. It’s one thing for little kids to pretend to shoot things but it becomes a lot more sinister when they do it around real guns. The juxtaposition was a little too much for me to handle, obvs.
Anyway, this doesn’t have anything to do with the price of bullets in the U District, now does it?
Guns are for wusses anyway. You gotta problem with me, come to me and we can either argue or if you really feel the need we can have a fist fight. While I’d prefer to argue there’s something to be said for an old-fashioned-put-your-dukes-up-fist-fight that appeals to me depending on the situation. At least there’s some equal footing when you argue or are in a fist fight.
I have to say that the part of the news story that irked me the most–and for the record? I’m totally fine with people owning guns, I don’t think guns are the devil, I support the rational sort of gun control policy that is focused on registration and training not the sort of gun control policy that seeks to prevent anyone from owning a gun–is this part:
Yip and others like him hypothesize that the Virginia Tech shootings could have been minimized or even eliminated if students at Virginia Tech were allowed to take guns to school.
Well, sure, maybe someone with a gun could’ve taken out the shooter early enough to minimize the loss of life that day, but maybe some jumped-up wannabe vigilante with a gun and no real-life training or experience with combat situations beyond his "Make My Day" fantasies would only have made the whole tragic experience even more horrific. My hypothesis is that had the shooter received proper medical care for his mental illness before he got anywhere near a gun shop no one would have died that day, but, hey, why bother with the complicated answers when there’s a simplistic solution, huh?
Most of the time I’m a good guy, a benevolent man, a man of and for the people, a considerate and tolerant soul bent on universal peace and acceptance of all creeds and beliefs, a visionary whose thoughtfulness knows no real bounds. Other times I like to rant about people I don’t like.
Except! I don’t dislike these people. They’re just 100 kinds of wrong-headed for wanting to bring guns into the classroom. The reason I took this approach is because we’ve had this debate before and no matter how many salient arguments are brought up for why guns in the classroom are a bad idea, nobody gets anywhere. Rather than have a long-winded debate that goes nowhere, I decided that casting these people as social rejects might be more effective. I have a no tolerance policy on this issue (obviously) and if peer pressure and the desire to be socially accepted is the only thing that works to change their minds, then so be it.
So, I say again, what kind of dork wants to bring a loaded handgun into the classroom?