I Hate Halloween
I know a lot of you are like Jeanna: You love Halloween. You love the costumes, the candy, and the drunken debauchery combined with the candy.
I hate Halloween. And I have for a long time.
I hate it because it’s so ridiculously commercialized that it’s nothing but an excuse for people to sell stuff you’re going to use once a year, then throw in storage. It’s a waste. And every year, it’s a new costume, or yard ornament.
I hate it because it hits right around Daylight Savings Time ends, which just serves as a reminder that the dark, rainy winter is about to hit with a thud.
I hate it because you can’t go into a store without seeing Christmas decorations stacked next to the Halloween decorations. I was in Home Depot last week, and they have the Christmas trees up and ready to go — right next to all the spooky stuff. Yeah, you know what my nativity set needs this year? Zombies. The Christ Child was born to be Zombie Jesus, after all.
I hate it because it used to be a kid’s holiday, one where you’d see an adult or two dressed up, usually a teacher or someone who works with kids. Now, everyone’s doing it, and it just looks silly for adults to be dressed up. When I was a kid, I had one of my teeth knocked out on Halloween. My dentist showed up dressed as a bag lady. And he sat there putting a temporary cap on me with his floppy hat and his ripped lacy cardigan. Back then, it was kinda funny. Now, I walk around my place of employ, and the medical staff are all dressed like that, to the point that you can’t tell the patients from the doctors. That’s just not right.
Oh, and I hate it because teenagers, not in costume, show up at my door wanting candy. Oh please. Why don’t you just TP the blackberry bush, egg my car, and be done with it, because if you’re out of elementary school, you shouldn’t even be out trick-or-treating, and you’re certainly not getting anything without a costume.
Mind you, this isn’t some religious objection. It’s not like I think this is the Holiday O’ Satan. I mean, holidays only have those meanings if you choose to let them have those meanings. I know atheists who celebrate Christmas, after all. (And you pagan-wiccan-neo-Celts out there, Happy Samhain.)
It’s a “why is this holiday so blown out of proportion” objection. It’s the consumer waste. It’s the billions we spend on sugar “just because.” It is, to paraphrase psychiatrist Lucy Van Pelt, “run by an East Coast syndicate.” It’s now our second-highest spending holiday after Christmas. It’s an overblown commercial spending spree for adults who just don’t want to grow up. Anyone over the age of 12 shouldn’t even be allowed to buy a costume. Between global warming, terrorism, rogue states with nuclear programs, MRSA, another year of election campaigning, four more years of the stuffed shirt known as David Della, and SPI, we have plenty to be scared of.
Modern Halloween is stupid.
Dia de Loe Muertos, on the other hand… that I can get behind.
I have a lot of things that I want to argue with in this, but I will elect to keep my protest to the sentence “Anyone over the age of 12 shouldn’t be allowed to buy a costume” I love halloween, and the act of dressing up allows people of all ages to endulge their fantasies in safe ways which do not harm anyone. I do agree that they shouldn’t be allowed to buy them, because I am horribly against buying costumes. 99% of the fun for me is getting to create a costume. Might I add I do not sew or craft. Each year I create costumes using carefully assembled already owned items. This is what halloween is about. Indulging creativity. Not spending money. Carving pumpkins with the family. Roasting the seeds. Those are the tastes of halloweens of yore, not the sacchrine blast of the lastest round of snickers bite sized…
As for me, I don’t happen to attend any drunken events or even Halloween parties for that matter. The kind of parties that I hear about here in the city are different than those thrown out in more “burbs” where it is a child-friendly environment.
My husband and I DO however, belong to a costumed historical events group that dresses in costumes for various time periods (no, it’s not all women either!) and the parties/events are a hoot!!! Hop out to my website and take a look. If any of you are interested, download the PDF and sign up…
Happy Halloween~
Rita of Seattle in the lush and green NW corner of the USA
http://www.SITUSeattle.com
http://www.SITUSeattle.wordpress.com
I’m going to dress up as a little devil and spear you all the way to hell!
I don’t have any problems with adults dressing up. Heaven knows between my SCA friends and my wife’s love of Napoleonic historical reenactors I’d have a mob wielding crossbows and Baker rifles on my doorstep.
It’s the Halloween part that annoys me.
And, you know, pumpkins were around a long time before Halloween. They made great gelato.
I’ll make an exception for adults who dress up to the representative from La Center, and allow him to dress up in lingerie, lube, and guilt to his heart’s content.
I am totally with you. Except I just hate it for no particular reason other than that I don’t have the time and don’t appreciate the pressure to put together an awesome costume and “have a good time.”
And the winner of the Dylan W. Wet Blanket Award goes to… Dylan W.!
Congratulations Dylan W. Please pick up your award at the nearest pit of despair.
oh, wah. don’t you have a personal blog to post this crap on?
Are you Miserable Guy this year? No trip to Target required. You need to get over yourself and examine what’s REALLY making you miserable before you start kicking puppies and chastising store clerks. Happiness is an act of will.
Why not embrace festivities? If people want to make merry and celebrate ANYTHING, more power to them.
What Josh said.
I dislike Halloween as well, for all of the same reasons. Glad to know I’m not alone.