I’ve been thinking about my Alternate Seafair Plan from last year [mb], and I think I’ve come up with an excellent third potentially-costumed group. (The short version of my plan is to get rid of the pirates, which are historically inaccurate, and replace them with loggers and hookers. Loggers and hookers are what this town was built on! An invading hoard of lumberjacks and prostitutes would be twice as much of a party as pirates, and who needs the awful Blue Angels when there is log-rolling to be had?)

But ok, perhaps there should also be boats involved. People came here on ships, after all, sailing up around South America. And to that end, I propose: fur trappers. They could sail the new state symbol, the Lady Washington, and show up draped in furs and plagued by scurvy. And then! At the height of the festivities, a bunch of people dressed as native Haida could sneak on to the Lady Washington and steal all of the laundry, which happened originally because it was a Haida custom to leave goods available for trade on display, and they believed that’s what the laundry was outside for. Angry, the captain of the Lady Washington (Kendrick) took the Haida leaders hostage and tied them to a cannon. The rest of the Haida waited until the coast was clear and boarded the ship, taking control of the weapons, but ultimately lost to the crew. This would be very, very easy to do a dramatic recreation of.

Doesn’t this sound like a better festival than a bunch of dudes dressed as pirates? Fun for the whole family, and everyone learns something! Clearly, this is the greatest idea in the history of Seattle festivals.