Back in March an immovable safe was found on a street in Tacoma. They moved it anyway–with a towtruck–and it has been sitting there at the towing place all this time, waiting for someone to do something about it [P-I]. In the meantime, of course, wild speculation struck up regarding what was in it. A million dollars? The safe’s owner? The treasure of the Sierra Madre?

Well…no. After two hours worth of drilling the thing open, they found some wood chips, five paper clips, and a spider. (Now, perhaps the spider is the owner of the safe and we’re dealing with some sort of complicated magics here. It’s possible.)

All told, moving and opening the safe amounted to $1,250 worth of anticlimax [P-I], plus whatever people lost betting on the contents. Sorry, Tacoma; maybe your treasure will be in the next vault.