Honestly, people, how often do you get a chance to watch campy 70′s porn both in public and in 3-D? (That’s a rhetorical question, please don’t answer me.) “Hard Candy” is a truly surreal experience, and not just because of the 3-D. Plot summary is as follows:

“Three ancient Greek centurions wearing inner tubes wash up on a California beach looking to storm the walls of Troy. When they come to an impenetrable wall, one of them puts on an Easter Bunny costume and jumps over it on a trampoline. He crash-lands in a candy factory that’s about to be taken over by an evil fertilizer company, where he inadvertently spills a thermos of cream-of-yak soup on the lollipops, which in turn become powerful aphrodisiacs.”

Do you need any more encouragement than that?

The Lollipop Girls in “Hard Candy” is showing Friday and Saturday night at midnight at the Egyptian, located at 805 East Pine St.