Image, via deerfarmer

Alright, people, this is getting ridiculous and it’s time we addressed the problem. First, this summer, we had too many squid and they were possibly driving up the murder rate in this town–a murder rate that just keeps going up [mb, mb]. Then there were crazy urban raccoons that were killing housepets and chewing on their owners [mb]. And then! Lunatic ravens right straight out of Edgar Allen Poe, chewing on windshield wipers [mb]. (The fact that Poe’s raven had nothing to do with automobiles is neither here nor there.)

And now, now the newspaper says that deer are colliding with cars in Washington state more than ever before [P-I]. This is serious business, people. The animals are clearly mounting an attack, and I can’t say that I blame them. The outdoors are smelly [P-I] and the water is killing all the whales [P-I] and poisoning all the salmon [DOH].

All I’m saying is, watch your backs. It’s only a matter of time until they convince the housepets to get in on it to. I’ll bet those raccoons will make good heavies, and then we’re all screwed.

Related posts:

1. annals of animal behavior : capitol city raccoons
2. Seen around town: Eastlake
3. Animal Talk
4. BOO! Happy Halloween from Metroblogging!
5. Discontent and Animal Control