What an appropriate title for this week’s episode! I am just like the Seattle Grace Hospital people since I’m totally feeling guilty as well. You see, Josh usually gets his recap up right away and I, on the other hand, have completely slacked and didn’t get this sucker up until Sunday. In my defense I was down in Portland and did not have my laptop with me. Seriously, I’m not lying. Why would I lie? But rest assured I am in town this week and will have no excuse for not recapping promptly in our fair leader’s absence.

And now without further ado, the recap….

It’s morning and Izzie is making breakfast. Yum! Our voiceover reminds us of the Hippocratic Oath and informs us that those aren’t pancakes but guilt-cakes. Damn, they looked so good. Well, at least there’s bacon. George and Meredith somehow think that Izzie’s not fine and complain when she spills freshly squeezed orange juice on the $8.7 million check that just happens to be lying on the counter. Imagine that, it’s almost like she wants to ruin it.

We cut to the locker-room in the hospital where the interns are talking about Izzie. Unfortunately she’s listening in on the other side of the row while cleaning out her locker. I hate it when that happens, and believe you me, it happens to me all the time. She claims she’s fine (again) and deftly changes the group’s focus by mentioning that Meredith hasn’t told McDreamy that McVet is out of the picture. Hey, I just noticed that George is reading the Northwest Life section of the Seattle PI/Times. Is it supposed to be Sunday? One can never tell with these hospital shows. Meredith gives a lot of lip service to how she’s an adult and that McDreamy walked away and blah blah blah excuse-cakes and everyone looks thoroughly unconvinced. “Izzie,” she says, “is the one with the big check.” But the subject change doesn’t work as well for her and meaningful looks are shared all around.

Oooh. Elliott Bay! I live there. Wait not in the bay, but next to it. Around that bend a bit.

Oohh. Someone’s in bed! Callie is getting a message from George while she’s under the covers with McSteamy. Scandal! When McSteamy calls her on getting her “boyfriend’s” calls while they are together she whips out the, “you were sexier when you weren’t talking.” Daaamn, girl, that’s harsh. But totally true.

George runs to catch up with the rounds and Bailey announces that they’re all to go to M&M in 15 minutes, which I immediately think is a concert, but apparently it’s a monthly “Morbidity and Mortality conference” where doctors get to second guess each other in an open forum. WooHoo! That sounds like it’s great for morale and camaraderie. In fact, they’d better keep this practice private because I’m pretty sure the last place I worked would LOVE to openly humiliate its employees in a manner such as this. Instead of being horrified however the interns are psyched and send the boys to save seats and the girls to get snacks. They’re about to leave when in walks the case of the week, one Vanessa Diaz [hbo], but wait, that’s not Rico with her! Apparently she’s been divorced, remarried to a taller guy and produced another baby, this one called Gus. Not-Rico is sweaty and insecure. Vanessa looks pissed; like that time she found out Rico was seeing a stripper and kicked his ass out [hbo]. Exposition time! The family’s here to check in for Vanessa’s mastectomy. Oh, that sucks. When Bailey complements the baby, Vanessa bitches about him, saying what I usually just think in my head about children. Go Vanessa! Oops did I just admit to that? Undeterred, Not-Rico exposits some more about how Vanessa is separating herself from the baby. Bailey gives Not-Rico a quick tip on how to get the baby to start drinking from the bottle and takes them up to the 5th floor.

We get a little more exposition about Vanessa’s cancer - apparently she missed detecting it because she was nursing - but that is quickly dropped when Sandra Oh reminds our interns that they are psyched about this M&M. Seats! Snacks! And break! Sandra Oh meets Dr. Burke in the hallway. He mini-freaks about the snacks she’s bringing, but quickly brushes it off. She offers to help with surgery and you can just see on his face that she needs to back the F off about surgeries. What’s wrong with her? Can’t she see he’s having issues? She is about as sensitive as I am, and that’s not much, people.

Meanwhile, George catches Callie in the hall and she continues her awesome streak by completely blowing his shit off. Team Intern meets and distributes snacks while George informs us that he has apologized to Callie and won’t do it again. Girl talk is snuffed when it is announced that this M&M is about recently killed by Izzie patient, Denny. She-it.

Izzie is cleaning out her locker room some more. Damn, how large is that locker? Seriously, she’s been cleaning it for at least two scenes now and it still looks full. Perhaps if she climbs in she can escape to Narnia [imdb], that’ll solve her check cashing woes. Instead she merely looks sad while wearing her stethoscope.

Back in the M&M, Dr. Burke is presenting the Denny case and the sharks can smell blood. Hands are raised everywhere and a bunch of medical mumbo-jumbo is bandied about to impress us lay-folk. This is where Dr. Savoy, who will furthermore be referred to as Dr. Plot Device, DPD for short, speaks up. “We all know that the LVAD was cut by an intern.” Uh-oh. Bailey gets called out and she walks up to the podium to take the heat. The Interns are finally as horrified as they should be and everyone else raises their hands to take a turn at bat.

–

After the credits, DPD brings up Bailey’s fears about being soft. He posits that her recent motherhood and the resultant hormones are the reason for her poor decision making. Not nice! Chief scolds, so DPD takes another tack this time focusing on the interns that were “running amok in the hospital.” The Interns sink further in their seats. I wish he had said willy-nilly, since I love that terminology. Bailey is awesome and says, “I’m waiting for a question.” Good one. DPD is right back at her with a, “Where were you?” and then proceeds to nail Bailey to the wall. Alex blows up, but is quickly told to sit down. That’s when we see Izzie listening in in the back. Hey, how’d she get there? I thought she was having tea with Mr. Tumnus [wikipedia].

And then we’re in on McDreamy’s divorce settlement. They’re splitting everything down the middle except real estate and Addison’s trust fund. McDreamy gives up the Hamptons and the NY brownstone while asking for the land and trailer in Seattle. Addison thinks he’s up to something so he claims that this divorce is his fault since he had a relationship with Meredith while Addison has only had a one or two night stand with McSteamy. Addison tries to come clean, but McDreamy’s having none of it and completely runs over her. They agree to sign the papers that day.

We come back in on Team Intern, it’s the end of the M&M and they’re comforting Izzie. She throws out “fine” a hundred times. On to her shenanigans, they insist she hang with them in the hospital and enforce it with a threat to call Izzie’s mother in. As expected, she caves, and promises to hang out in the (magical) locker room. We glimpse Dr. Burke suffering on the stage as Izzie leaves. Chief lectures Team Intern about Izzie being at the M&M. Alex baby-fits that he had nothing to do with it and runs off. George volunteers to keep an eye on Izzie saying he’ll do charts and stuff. When Chief stalks off, Bailey goes hard core by not letting them off the hook for her being raked over the coals. “You do not get to feel better,” she says, but softens it with a, “neither do I.”

At the elevator, DPD is continuing his jerkitude with Bailey when Not-Rico shows up. Not-Rico asks if Bailey wants to hold the baby while calling her the “baby-whisperer.” Eek! Not in front of DPD, dude! Not-Rico makes it worse by asking for help with Vanessa and her options. Under the watchful eye of DPD, Bailey tries hard to not to be compassionate to Not-Rico. She’s totally thinking, “I will not be swayed by that stinking baby!” and promises to send in the plastic surgeon. She’s not very successful though and DPD smirks knowingly as the elevator doors close. Geez, what an ass. Good thing he’s only on for one episode.

Chief and Dr. Burke talk in the hallway. Chief heads off Dr. Burke by asking for help focusing the staff and calls him a leader, leaving Dr. Burke completely incapable of talking about being recertified for surgery.

McDreamy and Meredith meet on the stairs. After a few how are yous and awkward small talk, McDreamy fails to mention that he’s now divorced and Meredith fails to mention that she’s no longer dating McVet. She’s going to be in so much trouble for that one. She gets saved by a page to meet Addison and they part.

When Meredith meets Addison, she gets the big divorce news. But if you think that’s awkward, just wait, case B of the week involves a woman who has a “foreign object” stuck inside of her. Oh gross. But wait, there’s even more, said foreign object is her ex-husband’s naughty bit. Don’t worry; he’s still attached to his bit and alive, but yes, it’s totally what you think. A piercing is mentioned and men worldwide cringe. Addison and Meredith listen in on the stuck couple’s bickering and I wonder how these two got to the hospital. Stuck woman insists that even though she and her ex keep running into each other for work and end up having sex, that this is the last time. Suurrre. The woman is supposed to be meeting her current husband for lunch. Yeah, doesn’t look like that’s going to happen since x-rays are needed to figure out even how they’re stuck. I’m guessing IUD.

Sandra Oh and Dr. Burke meet in a conference room where Sandra Oh continues to display a complete lack of sensitivity. Dr. Burke admits that he didn’t talk to Chief about his hand. He says he’s not going to do any surgeries and needs time to think and maybe have her get off his freaking back about getting back to work.

George has Izzie with him and a pile of records. Izzie cops to being the crazy ex-intern who needs a babysitter but to make her feel better he says she should decide what to do with her crazy money. They spy Case B and George reveals the prude he is by turning around and not looking. “Are those people having sex?” Izzie asks. Addison says, “They were … now they’re just fighting.” and welcomes Izzie back. More “fines” come out and then Izzie inappropriately asks Addison how she deals with being rich. Addison joins the deposit-the-cock-a-doody-check crowd and says that the guilt will work itself out.

Meredith’s reading the stuck couple’s chart and runs into McDreamy. She asks if the chart looks blurry and explains the case. “Divorced 5 years and still going at it like teens at the prom,” she hints at him and then tells him she heard about the divorce. He asks about McVet and she yet again chickens out. So he tells her the charts are blurry and scurries away.

McSteamy is consulting with Vanessa about her reconstruction options: saline or silicon. She says she can’t deal and offers the decision up to Not-Rico. Not-Rico says he doesn’t care. Alex and McSteamy press him, right in front of Vanessa(!), insisting that Not-Rico does care. Nice bedside manner, guys. Not-Rico looks totally panicked and Holy Cow! I just realized that he has not put that baby down once this entire episode. They should have brought a stroller or something. I guess they were stressed but wow, not good foresight there.

Not-Rico then accosts Bailey in the lobby. “What’s wrong with my wife?” He asks. You know besides the cancer. He’s flipping out. He says Vanessa is now thinking about not having the surgery at all and asks if Bailey will help because they’re both losing it. Bailey tries to remain cold while Chief looks on.

Back with Stuck Couple we learn that he got pierced for her, at least that’s what he’s telling himself. And I say, that’s some serious love and/or psychosis. She says she loves the new husband and that she and ex are not getting back together. After they get unstuck that is. What’s he got, that I don’t got, asks the ex, which totally reminds me of that Rod Stewart song and now that mf-er is stuck in my head. Thanks, Stuck Couple! Grr. She brings up the logic that they fought every time they weren’t having sex. And then their daughter comes in. They are seriously having a bad day. Daughter tries to blackmail Stuck Couple for rent money and a new car and when refused calls her mom a slut. Ouch! And then, Addison walks in and confirms that I was right about the IUD. How in Hades are they going to dislodge these two? I’m intrigued.

In the hall McSteamy catches up with Addison and asks about the brownstone. He wants to know if McDreamy gets it because he left his bike in the basement. I could probably make a good double entendre there, but it might be too convoluted and it’s late. She admits to getting the brownstone and says he can have his bike back when he goes back home. McSteamy works out that since McDreamy gave up both NY residences that he still doesn’t know that McSteamy and Addison had more than a one (or two) night stand. He’s sharp! He gets pissed saying, “you get to be the good guy and I’m just the chump who seduced his wife for the hell of it. Real fair.” and then stomps off like the manly man he is.

Team Intern is having lunch. Izzie is talking presents for Bailey and Burke and I just realized she totally has a topsy-turvy hair do. I always wanted one of those! The Bahamas are brought up and Oh steps in it again. Dang she IS worse than me. Fine now officially makes up 95 percent of Izzie’s vocabulary. That and anything required to refocus people on Meredith. It’s a good tactic, but it’s losing efficacy.

Elsewhere, Callie tells Meredith that she slept with another guy and asks if she should tell George. Meredith replies by saying that she broke up with McVet and asks if she should tell McDreamy. Meredith says she can’t tell while Callie says she has to tell. Oh yeah, that’s going to work out well for all parties. No, not really.

Vanessa is still having issues while Not-Rico tries to get her to hold the kid, you know so he can rest his arms a bit. Bailey lurks outside. When she tries to hide, Chief takes her aside. He tells her that being a parent makes her a better doctor and that compassion is a good thing.

Izzie comes in on Dr. Burke, and tells him about the money. He says he didn’t know. She tries to say she’s fine and finally gets told Bullshit. He asserts that both she and he are not fine and Denny’s dead. Brutal, but necessary. She apologizes pretty well, but then he comes at her with a full-on guilt trip for quitting. “You have two good hands and you aren’t not using them. Feel guilty about that.”

Stuck couple is in the process of being unstuck. Sandra Oh and Meredith are doing the positioning while Addison and Chief are directing via the x-ray of the IUD and piercing. It appears at first that the ex-husband is going to, um, “finish” because of the swirl required to untangle the parts, but no, he’s having a heart-attack which has got to be almost the exact opposite of orgasm. One fun, the other not so fun. They manage to get the ex-wife off (not like that, pervs) and rush him into surgery. Who’s the only heart surgeon available? Dr. Burke, of course!

Quick helicopter over Seattle skyline shot. Awww, it’s so pretty here.

In the scrubby area, Dr. Burke and Sandra Oh plot and she agrees to back him up if need be. They begin cutting and I get up for some wine. I can’t stand the sight of blood. It seems to me from my vantage point in the kitchen that Dr. Burke starts off well.

Cut to now unstuck wife. Addison and she have a heart to heart about adultery and honesty. Unstuck lady gives a speech about how she needs to be honest and basically guilts Addison into coming clean to McDreamy as well.

And then we’re back in surgery. It seems that Dr. Burke is getting shaky, so he gives Sandra Oh the previously agreed upon secret look. I wonder if this whole plot line is due to the reported fight between the actors last week. Poor Dr. Burke is not going to be able to overcome this shooting is he? That’s too bad, I like him. But back to the show, Sandra Oh is surprisingly tactful when she asks if she can finish up, claiming it would be a good learning experience for her. Team Intern watches enviously while Sandra Oh gets to work on the unstuck man’s heart. Izzie is the most jealous and babbles about some running whip stitch she’ll never get to do if she remains a loser-quitter.

Bailey enters Vanessa’s room and commiserates about having an infant at home and gets her to open up about why she’s being such a bitch to Not-Rico and their bay-be. There are tears. I don’t know about you, but I think Bailey and Vanessa are going to be all right after all. It’s very heart warming.

McDreamy sees Addison in the hallway and is preening about their ability to have an amicable divorce. Ha! That’s not going to last long. Sure enough Addison lets loose that she was in love with McSteamy and had a two month affair with him. And I think she says she had one with Richard Kultz as well. She pleads with him to take the brownstone. “I want Seattle and never to see you again.” Oh snap. See what honesty leads to? Nowhere good, people!

When he runs off, McDreamy runs into the elevator and of course straight into Meredith. She takes this opportunity to not notice that he’s near tears and finally tells him that she broke up with McVet. He non-reacts and says, “Ok.” She has no idea that he’s freaked about Addison so she takes it personally.

Dr. Burke informs unstuck man’s daughter (UMD) that unstuck man is going to live. UMD thanks him while Sandra Oh looks on.

Izzie talks to Chief and sort of asks to come back. He gives her the nod and tells her a story of his first year as an intern. He sort of killed someone too. But the moral of this story is that Izzie’s back.

McSteamy wants to have a chat with McDreamy. He says he thought McDreamy had a right to know about his affair. I don’t know where he’s going with this, but whatever. McDreamy completes his hat trick by telling McSteamy that he’s not his friend. I’m impressed. Who else can he lay to waste?

Bailey is holding Gus outside Vanessa’s room. DPD walks by and snarks about her babysitting. She tells him off and scares him away by hinting that she may use the PMS defense if she hurts him. I like it. After DPD takes off, Alex comes clean to Bailey, telling her that he knew that Izzie was going to cut the LVAD.

George is at Callie’s door with dinner and what are those? Video games? She reminds him that she dumped his ass and shuts the door in his face. I really like her.

We see Addison and McSteamy in bed and cut to the house. Izzie’s put the check on the fridge since she’s decided not to deposit it just yet. I wonder what the terms are, like does she have 90 days before it expires? I hope she reads that because dang, wouldn’t that suck?

We close with George slapping Meredith’s hand away from the check. Maybe next week the show will change from a hospital drama to a show about Meredith finding love in the Bahamas. J/K.

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