The easiest way to control class sizes in public schools? Put arsenic in the water fountains.

As it turns out, the school district has not been playing an underaged game of Clue. They haven’t been using the water fountains in schools for two years because of lead in the water, but recent tests have found, “arsenic levels above Environmental Protection Agency guidelines at 40 locations in 22 schools.”

Fortunately, most of those fixtures haven’t been used for the last two years, and of the ones that have, “no one drank any water from them.” (One wonders how they’re sure, but really, let’s not think too hard about it.) Further tests of the school system’s water are currently happening.

(Via the P-I)