We here at Metblogs are here for YOU, our readers. That’s why we offer you some handy talking points to use around the office tomorrow, since many of you (wisely) did not watch the debacle. Fake your way to knowledge!

HANDY TALKING POINTS FOR SUPER BORE MONDAY (CLIP ‘N’ SAVE!)

• Good Lord, who paid off the officials?
• I mean, the Seahawks are owned by a man that can buy and sell the NFL 10 times over, and he couldn’t buy a ref?
• The commercials were awful, except for that one, you know, that one. (Wait for work mate to cycle through commercial descriptions until you hear one that sounds half-funny.) Yeah, that one.
• You know, you look at Mick Jagger and you ask yourself, why did David Bowie find him pretty enough to sleep with?
• That old line about cockroaches and Keith Richards surviving a nuclear holocaust? I’m betting on the roaches now.
• The officiating was awful. All those phantom holding calls. The Hawks were cheated out of that win.
• (if someone starts in with the “officiating is awful” shtick before you can) But, you know, it would have helped if they could have stopped the big play.
• (If someone starts in with how stupid football is and how the money doesn’t go to the neediest people) Yeah, I know. That’s what we talked about at halftime at the homeless shelter Super Bowl party. They were disappointed that Paul Allen sent his smaller yacht this year to have the party on. TV’s only 80″ across.
• (If someone mentions their power was out all weekend) You were lucky. What an awful game.

So, there you are. We watched the game so you didn’t have to! And you should be thanking yourself that you didn’t.