Last weekend’s stellar performance of Mamma Mia! (the musical based entirely on ABBA songs) was rather marred for me (and 873 other people in my section) by several strings of latecomers (number of other miffed viewers calculated by smacking number keypad with clenched fist).

Here’s how it played out on Sunday afternoon: I was sitting in the best seat I could possibly get (and I could only get down to row O). There were a gang of half-naked youths on stage, clad in very brief summer wetsuits, snorkels and flippers, prancing around and singing. As a happily-married woman, there is exactly one occasion where it’s ok for me to look in the direction of cute young men prancing about. This was it. At that moment, about 20 people thundered past me in the aisle, and then stood in front of my face while waiting to get seated.

I don’t know how the other 873 people felt about it, but during the intermission, I went to find out how the ushers felt about it. A knowledgeable usher told us about how “The Company” (as the show is referred to in usher-speak) had specifically instructed them to usher people in DURING the song-and-dance numbers, rather than during the dialog in between. This is because the dialog bits are quieter and have more of a chance of being drowned out.

I submit that anyone who goes to Mamma Mia! for “dialog” is probably soft in the skull. The rest of us are there to sing along with and shimmy in our seats with the music, and admire the choreography. No one really cares what they’re saying during the rest of it. Anyone who can’t catch up with the storyline has to have the IQ of a 2 year old.

Generally speaking, I’m pretty disappointed with the Paramount for even entertaining the idea that it’s ok to seat people after the curtain goes up. In this part of the country, it seems to be ok to be chronically late to everything. I’ve had people coming in 10 minutes after the movie starts. So why wouldn’t I be surprised to see people coming in five minutes BEFORE the end of act 1? Yes — they actually came in, sat down, and then got up and walked out five minutes later, for the intermission.

Well, I’ll tell you what. I’ve about reached my limit. I paid a lot for my ticket, and having people walk around in front of my face was not in the fine print. The next person from the Paramount who calls is going to get such an earful, they’ll probably spontaneously combust from the shock.