Thurston County’s Coroner’s Office recently won approval to purchase a machine that currently does not exist. When they get someone to build it, it’s going to be able to shrinkwrap human remains.

I already have quite a problem getting shrinkwrap off everything I buy, so I hope they get a giant CD opener with that.

But seriously folks, if you wanted the shrinkwrap for sealing in the biohazards, maybe we should talk about getting some Glad Press ‘n Seal instead? (I’m such a sucker for ads.) No, I really mean it. You can get giant rolls of gladwrap already, cus that’s what they wrapped all my furniture in when I moved here. So all you need are a bunch of teamsters and we’re all set.

PS To Thurston County — if you like my idea, you can mail me that $50,000 you were planning to spend on a new machine.