Seattle Rules of the Road

  1. Make absolutely certain that you are going 10 MPH below the highway limit as you enter the highway.
  2. Drive an SUV, even if you have absolutely no use for it.
  3. Always have deep conversations on your cell phone in the fast lane.
  4. Is it raining? Tailgate more.
  5. Stop in the middle of heavy city traffic for no apparent reason at least twice a week.
  6. Do something dangerous and stupid, and if you get honked at for it, flip the other person off.
  7. When gassing up, act like you have absolutely no idea how to use the gas pump. Then forget to put your gas cap back on.
  8. Read while driving (or put on makeup, or shave, or treat your cuticles, or give yourself a shiatsu treatment, or…)
  9. Disable your signals, remove your mirrors, and hey, black all your windows except the windshield. You won’t be using them anyway.
  10. Drive like Metro buses are no match for your Toyota Hybrid.
  11. Minimum Costco parking lot speed? As fast as you need to dodge mega-carts full of bulk rubber gloves and trampolines and still get a spot — right at the front door. Your goal? Don’t walk any more than you need to.

Any more Seattle Rules of the Road you’d like to add? Just comment on this post.

12 Comments so far

  1. josh (unregistered) on October 19th, 2004 @ 7:56 pm

    As a non-driver, I find all of the passive road rage in Seattle kind of amusing. In other places, people fear angry aggressive drivers. Here, people seem to complain about politeness and caution on the roads.

    Are there any good drivers anywhere?

  2. Alex (unregistered) on October 19th, 2004 @ 8:28 pm

    Good points. Politeness and caution are sorely lacking. Obliviousness and driver narcissism are all too common.

    And BTW, I consider myself a good driver (IMHO). I have driven thousands of miles in Germany and Italy (this was a crash course in driving, with no pun intended), and used to be on the road a lot in the area, driving 100-200 miles a day. My style?? Be vigilant — very, very vigilant — coupled with the Golden Rule.

  3. Michael Hanscom (unregistered) on October 20th, 2004 @ 11:57 am

    No matter how heavy traffic is, always gun through the intersection to try to beat the light — then express ignorance and indignation when you end up stuck in the middle of the intersection and blocking traffic.

  4. Sam (unregistered) on October 20th, 2004 @ 12:15 pm

    When driving in Seattle, Rule #1 is always: Bring a Good Book.

    You never know when you may have to shift into park and just wait for 10-15 minutes.

  5. Henriet Schapelhouman (unregistered) on October 20th, 2004 @ 1:56 pm

    When entering a main thorough fare, watch for traffic and pull out when they are just about close enough to hit you.

    Or, pull out without looking.

    When in a parking lot back up out of your parking spot without looking and act indignant when the other drivers get angry.

  6. patrick (unregistered) on October 20th, 2004 @ 2:14 pm

    Another rule: Securing loads is for WUSSES

  7. road_rage (unregistered) on October 20th, 2004 @ 3:47 pm

    1. Immediately move to the left most lane, without looking when merging onto the freeway when the right lane is open for miles, and is not an exit only lane.

    2. Right lane is for passing traffic, all other lanes are for slow traffic.

    3. If from canada, drive 35mph in a clearly marked posted 60mph zone.

    4. Put a rear spoiler on a front wheel drive car.

    5. Use a aftermarket exhaust on your import so people miles ahead of you know you’re comming.

    6. Point your aftermarket, non DOT approved, headlights a few degree’s too high so you blind all on comming traffic, then get pissed off when you are flashed.

  8. road_rage (unregistered) on October 20th, 2004 @ 3:49 pm

    Forgot the one I see every day in Queen Anne –

    Turn left from the center lane, when the left most lane is NOT a left only turn lane.

  9. Manuel (unregistered) on October 20th, 2004 @ 5:25 pm

    – When turning left at an intersection, do not yield to oncoming traffic that is traveling straight. When they are forced to a screeching halt and honk at you, flip them off and shake your head in disbelief.

    – Slow way down and rubberneck at any emergency vehicles or stranded cars with hazards on, even if they are on the other side of the freeway.

  10. orlando bloom (unregistered) on April 22nd, 2005 @ 2:17 pm but that’s the way it is. I understand kelly clarkson their usefulness. Often, a formalised justin timberlake exercise helps me to crack a block directv of some kind, and often affords a johnny depp new way to see something. It’s a way carmen electra of playing with the process of creation jennifer aniston – if one lets it serve that purpose. jessica simpson Another example: a lot of modern buy jennifer lopez online composers who use Finale or similar ashton kutcher programs to score their music, either beyonce knowles on the fly or by means of the scrivner direct tv approach, employ the cut

  11. Flo (unregistered) on August 27th, 2005 @ 10:59 am

    Make damn sure you keep everyone from speeding by staying in the far left lane for your entire trip…after all, you’re doing the speed limit! You don’t need to go any faster! And those other people on the freeway have no business speeding! That’s dangerous. Just hold your ground and make them go around….until you have to exit. Then put on your brakes and try to make it over to the right lane at the laaaaaast minute.

  12. eldan (unregistered) on August 27th, 2005 @ 5:07 pm


    Having recently driven here from Cleveland, I can report that the only state where drivers didn’t get on my nerves was Wyoming. And even that only counts if we ignore Yellowstone. It might have something to do with the population of that whole state being less than this city….

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